In one evening, I had some talks with my friend. A best friend indeed 🙂
I told her my “kegalauan” (a term in Indonesia that explain a confused state) about how far I am from Allah SWT. That I recite Al Quran but I don’t know the meaning, I do shalat but my mind is going somewhere, I do fasting but I don’t feel the benefit of it, and many more. In brief, I like an empty shell, this heart becomes hardened that I don’t touched and cry when I hear Al Quran or do worship activities. What should I do, what should I do, is what I told her again and again in really desperate sound.
Then she started explaining that human is consists of 3 things: body, mind, and soul. Each of them has to be treated in well balance. How about the body? We take care of it through doing physical activities like eating and exercise regularly. All of us do that right? So there should be no problem. How about the mind? We treat it by keep learning. Most of us already go to kindergarten when we are 4-5 years old and continue our study until we get bachelor degree or even a master of PHD. So there should be no problem too. Then what about the soul? Do we really treat our soul well? If so, why we do fell never ending emptiness in our heart?
Until that point, I realize that I treat my soul wrongly all this time. Then I asked her again, “Then, how can I fix it?”
“Go back to the right way of worshiping Allah SWT. Live a life that blessed by Allah SWT. Understand the Aqidah and learn the knowledge of Islam because it is the best way of living as it is already exemplified by Prophet Muhammad SAW.”
Then, she explained more about the importance of shalat on time, of learning Islam little by little but continuously, of how to be friend with people that close to Allah SWT so we get positive influence, and many more. At that time, I felt like finding a tiny light in a dark tunnel that I don’t want to let the light go ever again in my life.
Lastly, my friend said, “I know that your journey will not be easy. After people make atonement, that people can fall to badness again but they will wake up again and then fall again, and wake up again. That cycle happened many times. But remember, that everytime you fall and wake up again, you already learn something new, you just upgrade your knowledge little by little. Don’t give up!! Just keep going!!”
Those last words, hmm, was imprinted deeply in this heart. Thanks a million my friend. Okay, I won’t give up and I don’t want to fall again too. I hope the fall before we had this conversation is the last one. Let’s meet again in Jannah. InsyaAllah 🙂